Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections by Emily Nagoski

This is a book about sex but also more than sex. Specifically it is about sex in long-term relationships. But if you are looking for quick tips and techniques, you best search elsewhere. The focus here is on the long-term relationship then the sex in that relationship.

The text builds on the author’s previous book Come As You Are. The focus of that text is that you are normal and sex is normal. Come Together extends those lessons and applies them to long-term relationships. The core idea of both of these books is that “pleasure is the measure” of good sex. If everything is consensual and it give you pleasure, it is good sex. Too often we focus on desire rather than pleasure. This is a challenge for us as our bodies grow (old) and change. But if we focus on pleasure, the problem goes away. After all, isn’t it more important to enjoy the sex we have over the amount of sex?

This book requires self-examination and work to get the most out of it. The author encourages learning about one’s own “floorplan” of emotions and how they relate to one another. In this way, one can learn how to move out of less desirable states like fear and grief toward more pleasurable ones like play and lust. The book is also filled with anecdotes of how others have applied these principles to improve their intimate relationships. I haven’t even begun the work recommended in the book, and it has already helped shift my thinking about sex in long-term relationships into a more healthy space. I’m looking forward to even more improvement once I begin the work.

My rating: 4/5

Oona Out of Order by Margarita Montimore

I first learned about this book on the podcast What Should I Read Next?. It is the story of a young woman born on New Year’s Day. As the clock strikes midnight ringing in the new year and her nineteenth birthday, she finds herself suddenly in a strange place in a strange version of her body. It turns out that she lives the year nineteen on the inside but fifty-one on the outside. And on the eve of each of her birthday’s she has no idea what year of her life she will live next. In this way, she really does live her life out of order. I found this unusual take on time travel interesting and decided to read the book.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Oona’s father died when she was a girl and her mother was unusual in the way she raised her. She readily accepts the weird life that her daughter is experiencing and is the one person always there for her on each of her birthdays. She learns about an assistant she has when she is 51/19 who is also there for her in her older years. As such, this is a story of relationships explored through unusual circumstances. In many ways, Oona is forced to mature much quicker than young people often do.

What really touched me about this book is how real it felt despite the rather absurd (but fun!) premise. The challenges that Oona faces may be out place time-wise, but they are very relatable to the reader. And the way she addresses them feels very realistic. I can see someone behaving as she does. The book reminded me of a combination of Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin and The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. If you liked either of those books, you might enjoy this one as well. It is an amazing story of family, love, growing up, aging, and all the other messy things we call life.

My rating: 4.5/5

Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

A relative of mine from South Carolina lent me her copy of this book, her favorite. It was clear that she has read it many times by the state of the broken binding on the copy she lent me. Having grown up as a Yankee from central New York state, I’ve never read this book. And if she had not lent me her copy, I’m not sure I ever would have. I am sincerely glad I did.

The story is primarily a love story. It starts out with Scarlet at sixteen on her family’s plantation south of Atlanta just as the US Civil War is about to begin. It follows her life through the war and the Reconstruction years after the war. She is a very selfish, pragmatic, and determined young woman. She is in love with Ashley Wilkes, but he is set to marry someone else. The bulk of the novel surrounds how she manages the reality that the man she considers the love of her life is married to someone else. But the story is about so much more.

It is also about Scarlet’s naivete and immaturity. Being pragmatic and determined, she is a survivor above all else. But she continues to pine away about Ashley even though at sixteen he told her that they were too different and would be miserable together. She deals with this the same way she deals with all other things in her life that she doesn’t understand and that make her unhappy. She just decides not to think about them “right now”, determined to think about them later. But she never does. She never grows up and learns to consider anyone other than herself.

The story is also a perspective on the Civil War from the Southern point of view. This is problematic to say the least. This perspective is racist and promotes white supremacy. Despite that, I feel that it is valuable. It provides a view on how being on the losing side of that war must have felt. History is taught by the victors. As such, we learn that the Civil War was a noble war fought to free the slaves. But we are never taught what that must have felt like for those who fought for the Confederacy. They lost family members just as the North did. Their property was destroyed as was their way of life. Then, during Reconstruction, Washington sent soldiers to run their governments and give equal rights to African Americans that those Southerners saw as ignorant and inferior. That must have been infuriating.

And the “Lost Cause” mythology permeates the novel. This I have much less compassion for. Yes, the characters in this book, and I suspect many Southerners after the war, longed for their old way of life and social order, especially the upper class of land and plantation owners. It was a life of ease and luxury. But that way of life depended on the enslavement of other human beings! This is even acknowledged in the novel. The justification for this better old way is that the enslaved were treated like family and cared for in their old age. This is essentially Rudyard Kipling’s argument of the “white man’s burden” and is utter nonsense. Would any white Southerner have changed places with one of their well-cared for slaves? I think not.

Despite these problems, the story and characters are compelling. In addition to Scarlet and Ashley there are Rhett Butler, a scoundrel and conniver with a very similar world view to that of Scarlet, and Melanie Hamilton who marries Ashley. She is the epitome of the great lady of the South for her dedication and loyalty and love. Indeed, she is one of the best characters in the novel. Personally, I couldn’t stand either Scarlet or Ashley, mainly because they didn’t know themselves and didn’t seem interested in self-examination at all. Rhett was my favorite character. He may have been a thief and a Scalawag, but he always knew who he was and why. And he was always honest about who he was. The interaction and growth of these four characters is the soul of the story and what makes it great.

Should you read this book? If the racism and white supremacy and revisionist history would be too much for you, no. If you can see past those very significant shortcomings to have some understanding of the plight of the Southern condition during and after the Civil War, then the interplay of these characters in that background are well worth your time.

My rating: 4/5

Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands by Katie Beaton

This is one of the most unusual books I have ever read. That’s what drew me to it, and why I ultimately read it. It is a memoir told in comic form, sort of a non-fiction, biographical graphic novel. Sounds a bit absurd, but it really works.

The author is from the maritime provinces of Canada. She finishes college with a lot of debt. In order to liquidate that debt and start her life debt-free, she takes a lucrative job in the oil sands of western Canada. It is a desolate place dominated by men. Her experience is lonely and psychologically damaging. The book explores the intersection of this harsh world and someone driven to force her way through it due to crushing debt.

The author uses the format to great effect. It really communicates the feeling of being where she was and gives an inkling of what she experienced. Beaton describes the atmosphere as isolated and oppressive while also being understanding that not everyone was responsible for those feelings. It is a fantastic example of how good and bad can, and regularly do, exist at the same time in the same place and one person’s attempt to reconcile that contradiction.

My rating: 4/5

Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah

I read this for my book club. We are reading it January We read a different genre each month, and January is Science Fiction month.

This book was on a lot of “best of” lists for 2023, and I can see why though it is not a lighthearted read! In the near future, private companies have taken over the prison systems and have created a kind of gladiator system. The federal government passed a law making it possible for prisoners to opt into a death-match program that is televised. In these matches, members of different prison conglomerates (chain gangs) fight each other to the death. It is bloody, violent, and never-ending. That is unless you survive for three years. Then you are exonerated and freed.

The story follows one particular link (what they call members of a chain gang) as she approaches her last two matches. It also follows a protest movement and a particular couple who are watching it. The emotions are strong and deep. I often put the book down at the end of a chapter and got up and walked around just to take a break from the unrelenting drive of this book and its message. it really puts you in the place of the prisoners and how they must be feeling. Interspersed as footnotes are also facts about the US prison system that are just as shocking.

The writing is visceral. It delivers body blow after body blow. But somehow, it isn’t completely bleak. There is hope. And the story is driving and compelling. I would say that I loved this book, but that isn’t quite the correct word. It isn’t really a story to love. I appreciated it. It moved me. I think it is important how through hyperbole it shows what prison does to people, both those incarcerated and those who house them and administer the system. It makes you uncomfortable while it makes you think. That is my kind of book.

My rating: 5/5

The Bezzle by Cory Doctorow

I got an advanced copy of this book from NetGalley.com in return for offering an honest review. This book is the sequel to the author’s previous novel Red Team Blues. Like in that book, forensic accountant Marty Hench is the protagonist. And despite the seeming dullness of his career, this book is a thriller that had me from the start.

The plot takes place in the past of the first novel. In other words, this is technically a prequel. He is telling someone about how he came to learn so much about prisons while never having served time in one. The story opens on Catalina Island with Marty repeatedly joining a friend named Scott there for vacations. They come across something odd going on there that propels the plot forward. A driving aspect of the plot is the friendship between Marty and Scott. The relationship is deep and affectionate and one I’ve rarely seen in modern novels—deep male friendship.

The story is even better than in the first book. There was a lag in that one. This book is maybe a little slow to start, but once the initiating action takes place, it takes off. The story does come around to a selfless sacrifice that may be surprising but is completely relatable and realistic. If you enjoyed the first of this series, you owe it to yourself to pick up this one soon.

My rating: 4/5

The Internet Con by Cory Doctorow

This is the third book about Big Tech and the internet that I have read recently. The first two are The Age of Surveillance Capitalism and Chokepoint Capitalism. This is the most nerdy of the three as it goes into detail about the underpinnings of the internet and how they affect business and consumers. That said, it is a very engaging, interesting, and accessible read.

In part one, entitled “Seize the Means of Computation”, the author explains how Big Tech got big through network effects and by helping the government deliver on beating the “bad guys”. He then introduces the concept of adversarial interoperability. This would mean that you could leave Facebook and still interact with your friends there. The term is a mouthful. He helped coin a better term: competitive compatibility, or comcom for short. In part two, the author addresses many of the objections that come up when this solution is offered. These are “What about” questions like, “What about privacy?”, “What about harassment?”, and “What about child porn?”

Of these three books about technology and our modern world, this is the best for the general reader. For that reason, I would recommend this book first of the three. It is not the most thorough with the most documentation. That would be The Age of Surveillance Capitalism. But if you want a quick, easy read to better understand how we got in this mess with Big Tech and how we can get out of it, this is the book to read.

My rating: 5/5

Chokepoint Capitalism by Rebecca Giblin and Cory Doctorow

I picked this book up as a follow-up to The Age of Surveillance Capitalism. While that book is a detailed look at how we got to Big Tech and what to do about it, this book focuses on culture. It covers creative arts industries like book publishing, music, news, movies, video games, and live performances.

The first part of the book outlines how culture got in its current state where artists are beholden to Big Tech. Each chapter covers a different aspect of culture (i.e. books, music, live events, etc.). Part two covers the authors’ proposed solutions to the issues outlined in the first part. These chapters focus more on collective action than steps that individual artists can take.

This book is an excellent look at the problems Big Tech presents to artists and how artists can act collectively in response. It is a good companion to The Age of Surveillance Capitalism, especially if you are an artist or someone looking for a quick view on cultural issues in our digital world.

My rating: 4/5

Uncanny Magazine Issue 55

This is my last magazine review for my year of short fiction. I’ll continue to read short fiction in the new year, but it will be individual stories and anthologies rather that magazines. My reviews here will be mainly for books, though I may read the occasional short fiction magazine as well. My short fiction page will continue to list my favorite short fiction short stories.

Now, here are my reviews for the November/December issue of Uncanny magazine.

“The Year Without Sunshine” by Naomi Kritzer: A neighborhood block bands together after a disaster returns them to nearly basic subsistence. The action is centered around making sure a woman with COPD has supplemental oxygen to breath and stay alive. More broadly, it is about how this one neighborhood unselfishly worked together to survive while a nearby suburb was more like every man for himself. (My rating: 4/5)

“The Pandemonium Waltz” by Jeffrey Ford: A neighbor and his wife learn of their neighbor couples’ odd experience at an exclusive traveling waltz exhibition. This starts out very matter-of-fact and gets more creepy as it goes on. The question explored is when does a story told to you become your story rather than theirs? Not really my cup of tea. (My rating: 3/5)

“The Quiet of Drowning” by Kel Coleman: A teenage girl whose aunt killed herself is checked into a psych ward after attempting suicide. Very disturbing story of someone dealing with urges of self-harm. It is the first thing that has helped me to understand even a little the temptation to harm oneself. The girl sees herself and an Other. The Other is the one who keeps tempting her. (My rating: 4/5)

“We’re Looking for the Best” by Cecil Castellucci: A woman who has just lost her job meets an old boss going to a job interview and agrees to join her. I can’t say much more without giving too much away on this one. An interesting tale of finding your niche. (My rating: 4/5)

“A Piece of the Continent” by Marissa Lingen: A young woman and her friend set off from Boston to Alaska to scatter their grandfathers’ ashes. They encounter supernatural danger along the way that brings them even closer. (My rating: 4/5)

“End of Play” by Chelsea Sutton: The author tells of a play he has written and its first performance. It is also sort of in the style of a play. It feels like a lot of things that don’t really come together for me. (My rating: 2/5)

“Esqueleto” by Ana Hurtado: A child tries to get his mother to understand that they live in a whale carcass that is being consumed. This story is a word salad that makes almost no sense. It is like a poem trying to be a story that succeeds at neither. I didn’t even finish reading it. (My rating: 1/5)

The average rating for a story in this issue was only 3.14 out of five stars. That story with a one rating and none with a five really brought the average down for this issue.

Clarkesworld Magazine Issue 206

I am continuing my reviews of stories in short fiction magazines. Here are reviews for the November issue of Clarkesworld Magazine.

“Eddies are the Worst” by Bo Balder: A sister and her brother run a fish factory in a dystopian future where clones are the only day laborers available to them. The Eddies of the title are stupid and nearly useless clones. These are all that are left to the family to use in the factory. A story mostly about making the best of a bad situation. Well written with sympathy for what each character is going through. Just wish is had more to say. (My rating: 3/5)

“Bird-Girl Builds a Machine” by Hannah Yang: A young girl (you) helps her mother build a machine that she says is for you, her daughter. Mom never explains what it is she is building. When it is complete, there is a surprising twist. Engaging and well-told. (My rating: 4/5)

“The Long Mural” by James Van Pelt: A stowaway on a generation ark who has hidden himself for twelve years comes out to participate in painting a mural. A beautiful metaphor for illegal immigration. Filled with emotion and understanding. (My rating: 5/5)

“The Parts That Make Me” by Louise Hughes: A sentient robot loses a part of himself in a skirmish. A story of found family and care for one another. (My rating: 4/5)

“The Mub” by Thomas Ha: A person walking into a city is stalked by a mub. And what is a mub? I still don’t know. This story is an absurd metaphor that doesn’t quite land for me. I think it is about creators trying to be too much like other creators and not being original. However, it is very unsatisfying for me. (My rating: 2/5)

“Eight or Die (Part 1)” by Thoraiya Dyer: A miner in Ecuador is recruited by aliens to help locate a wanted fugitive. Part two is in the next issue of Clarkesworld. (My rating (so far): 4/5)

“Thin Ice” by Kemi Ashing-Giwa: A member of a race frozen and used as art supplies is a slave to the mechanical creature doing this awful work. Explores the relationship of someone held prisoner to the one holding them. In this case, it changed the enslaver a bit. A very dark story with only a small point to make. (My rating: 3/5)

“To Carry You Inside You” by Tia Tashiro: A woman who had an implant installed as a child to become a working actor, in adulthood finds a new and unique way to use it. She uses it to be a vessel for dead people to visit their living relatives. The one shown in the story briefly takes over her body completely. The story gives a picture of both of these people and their motivations and tactics. The incredibly effective use of second person makes the change in who controls the body visceral for the reader. This one says a lot through story, exploring the motivations of both parties. Just a fantastic debut story! It is her first ever! (My rating: 5/5)

The overall rating for this issue comes in at 3.75 out of five stars. Clarkesworld is consistently excellent while also trying new things.